I’m turning 39 in July *gag* and I’ve done a lot of thinking about what I’ve learned in the last twenty years. Especially in my twenties, I lived loudly. Boldly. BIGLY. Sometimes, it feels like 72 lifetimes shoved into such a short life. Marriages, travels, careers, mistakes, therapy…so many lessons. Of course, these lessons have also taught me that I’m just one person, living their one life to the best of their abilities.

However, maybe my lessons can inspire others. Perhaps even you!

You can recover from anything in your twenties

I cannot emphasize this enough. The amount of mistakes I made in my twenties (naturally, in my thirties as well) are endless and innumerable. Emptied bank accounts. Gained debt. Paid off debt. Saved money. Rinse and repeat. Get married, get divorced. Take risks and start a company. Or two. Maybe three. Go on bad dates. Go on good dates. Try out different hobbies.

Your twenties are the time to experience life without too much joint pain lol and plenty of time to recover from anything. Being twentysomething means you’ll feel lost as you learn how to adult, but if you embrace the chaos of it, you’ll be unstoppable.

Don’t let a relationship go past its expiration

You’ve probably heard this before, but I really freakin’ mean it, okay? Trust me—I married three men and had uncountable amounts of boyfriends (I could sit down and count it up, but they don’t deserve more energy). I was driven by a lack of therapy and self-esteem, which is a wicked combination for romantic disaster.

Here’s the thing: the chances of your relationship lasting until the day you die are slim to none. That’s not comforting, I know. Most don’t want to think of their partnership ending for whatever reason, but the statistics aren’t on anyone’s side.

Here’s another thing: This is okay. It might not feel okay, but relationships, platonic or romantic, are there for us to experience life and grow as people. Every relationship has an expiration date—the issue is that people can’t accept being alone, so they make what would be a Three Month Relationship into a Ten-Year Relationship.

The only relationship you can rely on is the one you have with yourself, but this tends to be the most neglected relationship of all. Why is that? We live within our meat suits 24/7…shouldn’t we be comfortable in our homes of flesh?

Just something to consider.

You need to make friends with your darkness

In my early thirties, I went through extreme trauma therapy. My childhood was less than stellar (understatement) and it was a big part of fueling my choices in my twenties. Then, of course, because statistics weren’t on my side, I discovered more trauma in my twenties to just pile it on like a load of laundry that never ended.

During this therapy, I would purposefully trigger the shit out of myself. Not my therapist’s favorite thing (let’s be honest—I didn’t tell her), but I would trigger myself, sit in the feelings, and explore the darkest depths of myself. I’ve met myself and I’ve shook hands with my darkness.

The end result?

My rage dissipated (and I was full of it). I like being alone. I know what I’m capable of. My fibromyalgia disappeared. I met my twin flame.

While I’ll never stop getting to know myself, because my story plot is always continuing, I know what I’m capable of. And it gives me confidence every single day.

You need to do it For The Plot more than you think

I like to joke that my twenties were filled with so much plot, it was worth a book (which I did, btw lol). Three marriages, in the military, traveled the world as an award-winning wedding photographer, 35 countries, lived alone, got my bachelors degree, took three months to travel solo around the world, and lord, all the things I’ve done all over the world.

The boys I made out with in hostels, the delectable food I consumed, the sites I visited and felt, the horses I rode on the beach, and even the one time I accidentally stayed in a reformed mental institution in Greece…all for the plot, friend. Allllll for the plot.

The benefit? I’m not entering my forties with regrets (well, okay, there are a couple things I’dve done differently). You won’t catch me at a club getting drunk at the tender age of 43, enduring a three-day hangover later lol.

What are some things you’d do for the plot? What have you done for the plot?

The best thing you can say is “I don’t know”

The more people I’ve met, the more things I’ve seen…the more I recognize that it’s impossible to know everything. Even more important to recognize: it’s vital to be humble enough to say, “I don’t know.”

Too many times, people lean into their confirmation bias and avoid cognitive dissonance because it’s uncomfortable. Our society can be unforgiving of ignorance, so it’s hard to say, “I don’t know.”

But what kind of person do you want to be? A person who is confident in wrongness because they can’t stand finding out they’re wrong?

Or being someone who is okay with imperfections and strives to learn the endless amount of information this world provides?